That's a sign that they've finally posted on the freeway along my trip home each day. I, along with thousands of others have known full well that this particular stretch of free way is not only a "little rough" but will rattle you right out of your car if not belted in. Somehow the Department of Transportation seemed to be the last people in on this information. As I was driving home, I was thinking. About road surfaces, road construction in particular! Interstate 94 is the main path of transport for most of our area. In fact, it's one of the main pathways for much of the traffic and transport in Minnesota and Wisconsin. I know this because at the beginning of the road construction season (2 weeks ago) in my frustration I went to the DOT's website to look around. If I was going to deal with this on a daily basis for the next 2 months (yippee for summer vacation!), I wanted to know what I was dealing with. I found that they expect this particular stretch of I94 to be maxed, beyond capacity, by 2010, and that most, if not all, of the pavement along this stretch is more than 50 years old. (might I say that I hope I hold up this well at 50!) They are widening the bridges and road section by section with the ultimate goal of having only to divert traffic and slap some new lines on the whole thing in the end. I relate to that. I'm a let's-think-things-through-and-do-most-of-the-footwork-up-front kind of person! When its time, we'll slap some paint on it and we're done! I had some more time, so I kept thinking. I began to think again how much easier it is to deal with this construction knowing the end plan and what they're doing along the way, instead of just trying to guess if the good ol' DOT has a freakin' clue this time! I remember working with my Dad during the summer of 1997, I think, while I was in college. Massive construction in Newport, a little suburb we had to drive through every day to get to St. Paul. Somehow it was more acceptable knowing that it would all be finished by 2007. Dad could handle that.
Now, I had even more time, and I kept on a-thinkin'. I have really been struggling through some stuff with God lately. Why is it that obedience to what He's calling me to do is so much easier when I know the end result, or can at least see the logic in what He's asking? Like my freeway trials, I really struggle with obeying and having a good heart when I have no idea why, who or what? I lose sight of the blessings, the joy, the peace because I'm passing over some rough road and my teeth are rattling and I don't know when the DOT is going to realize the road is rough and get on with the fixing! I can't see the big picture, I guess.
I've found that when I'm in this spot, I find myself dragging my feet in my obedience(which is disobedience, right?). Like Abraham, God has said "do this!" and I, like Abraham have heard, I guess, but unlike good ol' Abe, I'm not moving too quickly to sacrifice my Isaac! I'm holding on to it and moving just enough that I have fooled myself into thinking I'm still okay. In the meantime, I- like Peter- have found myself following Jesus from further and further away. I- like Peter- have compromised in my obedience. Surely I won't betray you Lord? And then I follow a little slower . . . a little slower . . . compromising, just a little . . . warming myself by the fires of the enemy, instead of my Lord, until all that's left is me swearing and declaring that I do not even know Him. I'm not comparing myself to Judah, as I am His child and am not directly walking away and turning to the enemy, but to Peter who is a child, a disciple, gradually losing sight . . . the awesome thing, well one of them, is that God loves me, and is waiting, loving on me, like the prodigal son watching for me, so that He can rush out to meet me when I come back! He celebrates with us when we realize our sin, our wanderings, and come back! His mercies are new every morning!
I don't usually go so heavy on the spiritual analogies, but it all related so well, and having so much extra time to think today caused my brain to ramble. Besides, God has been nailing me at every study and Bible passage I've read lately! Abraham was in a movie we watched last Wednesday night at church, Peter petering out was Sunday morning, the prodigal son was in my own personal Bible reading, along with Israel and Joshua losing a battle when there was sin in the camp, followed by the battles where God empowered and blessed them when they were obedient! I don't want to follow from a distance.
Have you been following the health saga with my earthly Dad? I'm not sure what I've blogged and what I haven't. Before his knee surgery he was in a lot of pain, and after? Still so much pain. How frustrating for him. Then came the blood clot in his leg and 4 or so days in the hospital. He came home and had to give himself shots nightly. After his time on his back and quitting smoking, he developed bronchitis. They started him on antibiotics and all, but that night he was having a new tightness in his chest that hadn't been there before, and so, in a major snow storm, my sister took him to the emergency room. Fortunately it was just more of the bronchitis. While his chest began feeling better, he still experiences pain in his knee. He finally had to go back to work. The hospital hadn't sent one of the papers back in time and he wouldn't get his disability payment anymore. He made it one week at work (heavy factory, on his feet a lot!) before going back to the doctor. After confirming that the plant can't give him "light duty" his doctor told him he'd have to stay home if he wanted his knee to heal. Heck, he's only 59, what other option does he have? All this time, he's been on blood thinner, having his blood checked frequently for thin-ness and aware that even a poke in the finger could cause him to bleed to death. No pressure. Today he had some bleeding that probably would have been quite minor if not for the blood thinner. On the thinner, it looked like a blood bath. He drove himself and my mom to the hospital in Red Wing Minnesota where they admitted him and told him that he'd have to have surgery to put a "filter" in his stomach to catch the blood clots. He has no idea what they were thinking and was a little confused. He's worried, though, and even more so when they decided to send him up to the University of Minnesota's hospital. They did my mom's aneurysm surgery in 200, though, so we knew he'd be in good hands! They took him in a van, not an ambulance. I left work and met up with my mom and younger sister and they followed me to the hospital. The end result, after waiting, and waiting some more, is that they are just going to watch him tonight. They'll see what they can see and if they see anything of concern will perform some more invasive procedures to check it out. They really feel that it's a normal issue amplified by his INR (thickness of his blood). After the doctors came in and talked to him about his wishes "just in case" something happened, he was more nervous than ever. He's stressed about money, stressed about the doctors' differing opinions, and stressed that my older sister called everyone on the planet before he even knew for sure what the second set of doctors thought. He doesn't have a "good feeling" about this . . . (who would, really?)
I took off work tomorrow already thinking he would have surgery tonight or in the morning, and I'm glad I did. Even though surgery may not happen, I'll hopefully be there to bring Dad home tomorrow, as Mom has never driven in the Cities. If there is a chance of him staying longer, or having the more invasive procedure, I'll swing by and pick up my Mom before heading to the hospital. My younger sister has to work all day tomorrow, manning the deli that she works in solo manner due to her coworker's child having pink eye! Her manager could fill in if she had to, but its not really at that point as far as we can tell.
Now? Now I'm home and will sleep in my own bed before getting up later than a normal work morning and making my way back to Minnesota. And no, I'm not taking the time to proof read this, so if it is nonsensical rambling, please just reread it for me and translate it in your minds! Sweet dreams, friends!
A
Now, I had even more time, and I kept on a-thinkin'. I have really been struggling through some stuff with God lately. Why is it that obedience to what He's calling me to do is so much easier when I know the end result, or can at least see the logic in what He's asking? Like my freeway trials, I really struggle with obeying and having a good heart when I have no idea why, who or what? I lose sight of the blessings, the joy, the peace because I'm passing over some rough road and my teeth are rattling and I don't know when the DOT is going to realize the road is rough and get on with the fixing! I can't see the big picture, I guess.
I've found that when I'm in this spot, I find myself dragging my feet in my obedience(which is disobedience, right?). Like Abraham, God has said "do this!" and I, like Abraham have heard, I guess, but unlike good ol' Abe, I'm not moving too quickly to sacrifice my Isaac! I'm holding on to it and moving just enough that I have fooled myself into thinking I'm still okay. In the meantime, I- like Peter- have found myself following Jesus from further and further away. I- like Peter- have compromised in my obedience. Surely I won't betray you Lord? And then I follow a little slower . . . a little slower . . . compromising, just a little . . . warming myself by the fires of the enemy, instead of my Lord, until all that's left is me swearing and declaring that I do not even know Him. I'm not comparing myself to Judah, as I am His child and am not directly walking away and turning to the enemy, but to Peter who is a child, a disciple, gradually losing sight . . . the awesome thing, well one of them, is that God loves me, and is waiting, loving on me, like the prodigal son watching for me, so that He can rush out to meet me when I come back! He celebrates with us when we realize our sin, our wanderings, and come back! His mercies are new every morning!
I don't usually go so heavy on the spiritual analogies, but it all related so well, and having so much extra time to think today caused my brain to ramble. Besides, God has been nailing me at every study and Bible passage I've read lately! Abraham was in a movie we watched last Wednesday night at church, Peter petering out was Sunday morning, the prodigal son was in my own personal Bible reading, along with Israel and Joshua losing a battle when there was sin in the camp, followed by the battles where God empowered and blessed them when they were obedient! I don't want to follow from a distance.
Have you been following the health saga with my earthly Dad? I'm not sure what I've blogged and what I haven't. Before his knee surgery he was in a lot of pain, and after? Still so much pain. How frustrating for him. Then came the blood clot in his leg and 4 or so days in the hospital. He came home and had to give himself shots nightly. After his time on his back and quitting smoking, he developed bronchitis. They started him on antibiotics and all, but that night he was having a new tightness in his chest that hadn't been there before, and so, in a major snow storm, my sister took him to the emergency room. Fortunately it was just more of the bronchitis. While his chest began feeling better, he still experiences pain in his knee. He finally had to go back to work. The hospital hadn't sent one of the papers back in time and he wouldn't get his disability payment anymore. He made it one week at work (heavy factory, on his feet a lot!) before going back to the doctor. After confirming that the plant can't give him "light duty" his doctor told him he'd have to stay home if he wanted his knee to heal. Heck, he's only 59, what other option does he have? All this time, he's been on blood thinner, having his blood checked frequently for thin-ness and aware that even a poke in the finger could cause him to bleed to death. No pressure. Today he had some bleeding that probably would have been quite minor if not for the blood thinner. On the thinner, it looked like a blood bath. He drove himself and my mom to the hospital in Red Wing Minnesota where they admitted him and told him that he'd have to have surgery to put a "filter" in his stomach to catch the blood clots. He has no idea what they were thinking and was a little confused. He's worried, though, and even more so when they decided to send him up to the University of Minnesota's hospital. They did my mom's aneurysm surgery in 200, though, so we knew he'd be in good hands! They took him in a van, not an ambulance. I left work and met up with my mom and younger sister and they followed me to the hospital. The end result, after waiting, and waiting some more, is that they are just going to watch him tonight. They'll see what they can see and if they see anything of concern will perform some more invasive procedures to check it out. They really feel that it's a normal issue amplified by his INR (thickness of his blood). After the doctors came in and talked to him about his wishes "just in case" something happened, he was more nervous than ever. He's stressed about money, stressed about the doctors' differing opinions, and stressed that my older sister called everyone on the planet before he even knew for sure what the second set of doctors thought. He doesn't have a "good feeling" about this . . . (who would, really?)
I took off work tomorrow already thinking he would have surgery tonight or in the morning, and I'm glad I did. Even though surgery may not happen, I'll hopefully be there to bring Dad home tomorrow, as Mom has never driven in the Cities. If there is a chance of him staying longer, or having the more invasive procedure, I'll swing by and pick up my Mom before heading to the hospital. My younger sister has to work all day tomorrow, manning the deli that she works in solo manner due to her coworker's child having pink eye! Her manager could fill in if she had to, but its not really at that point as far as we can tell.
Now? Now I'm home and will sleep in my own bed before getting up later than a normal work morning and making my way back to Minnesota. And no, I'm not taking the time to proof read this, so if it is nonsensical rambling, please just reread it for me and translate it in your minds! Sweet dreams, friends!
A
1 are still reading for some reason . . .:
That was a long post, but a very good one, I enjoyed it. Found myself in there too...unfortunately.
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