When I grow up . . .

I do believe that this is my 100th post or perhaps 99. I was planning on fulfilling my pal Babzy's meme for this momentous event up until I was drifting off to dream land last night. You'll get deep thoughts by Amanda instead . . .

At our Singles' Bible Study last night we began a new book. I was thrilled by the mere title of the first chapter of this book, knowing very little about it. The title was "You are not half of a cookie" or something close to that. I couldn't resist the sweet "Aww!" that escaped my lips, when Pastor Steve was talking about something else entirely, and it just slipped out without any thought or control! Fortunately no one seemed to notice and the study went on. The first chapter of the book managed to hit almost every one of my personal soapboxes. You know, those stories and experiences that God has laid on your own heart so strongly that you feel the need to share them any time the opportunity arises? Yep, those! I really enjoyed the chapter and was just so joyous throughout! Truly, out of the overflow of my heart my mouth speaks and I had so much to say! Sometimes I wonder if I am talking too much, but I genuinely feel like God is speaking to me and I can't help but share! I am conscious of that possibility though, and get really excited to see others step forward in conversation! I am simply adoring God and where He has me right now, and I hope that it blesses others some how . . . I am excited to be counted among the leadership of this ministry and am enjoying being a part of it so much right now. We are talking about going on a missions trip to Georgia this summer and to Mexico in 2009 some time(topics for another post!).

Last night after the study and some other tasks, I was chatting with a new girl. Well, I say "new girl" but she isn't really. She walked into our Monday study after having come to church for a month or two and announced "I'm looking for you!" Now, after 3 weeks, it feels like she's been here for ever. Her confidence and willingness to jump right in is more of a blessing to me than I can express. Such an encouragement. Anyway- in our talk, she told me "You are who I want to be someday!" WOW! What an honor, a privilege and a responsibility! I understood what she was saying, I too had looked at other Christians and thought- I want to be like them someday! I didn't mean brown hair, serving in this specific ministry, etc, but that I wanted the joy that they had, the confidence that only comes from the Spirit of Christ, and the peace that they had with it all. I have tasted that in the last few months, enjoying and exploring the place God has for me - uniquely! No one else in this world can fulfill my place and calling like I can. No one. This was a mind boggling thing when I realized that I had a purpose that no one else could be fulfilling, and it was going to waste because I wasn't stepping up to the challenge. Heart breaking.

This being said, I am so thankful to God that He has a plan for me, and that He loves me enough to be patient with me. I've wasted too much time being a couch potato Christian.

The pressure is on, the challenge has been declared to keep up with the chariots and the horses, instead of being tired by mere foot men in this battle(A rough paraphrase of Jeremiah- "If you can't keep up with the footmen, how will you keep up with the chariots?" I know that having said this, there will be bad days, my new found friend will get to know more of the real me(the me who gets tired and crabby when sick, who struggles to maintain control of my bad attitude- which is more than I've done in the past!) and may not like me and I will become self involved again when the next wave of sickness and exhaustion hit. This is inevitable. Still I thank God. Again, I'll get back up and stagger back into the battle that is life. Again, I will fall at His feet and my gratitude and adoration will grow exponentially, all the while aching to be at home with my God in heaven, when this ache inside of me is truly and finally fulfilled.

Perhaps the meme will be 101.

Amanda